Due to overwhelming demand from all 45 of my followers on Twitter (ok, like 10% of them), The Bachelorette Live Tweeting shall henceforth also get a recap! And because I spent the weekend barely moving from the deck and gorging on encased meats and bbq’ed chicken, I needed a full day to truly do justice to the masterpiece that is The Bachelorette. So, without Further Ado, the Top 10 best moments from last night’s Bachelorette.
The Moment you realize Eric is going to make you cry every time he’s on screen.
Sweet, thoughtful, perfect heartbreaking Eric. Eric’s Amazing smile of pure delight when he finds out they’ll be helicoptering. Clearly this guy has been in a helicopter before, but he plays like it’s amazing for Andi because he is perfect. Eric is like a kid in a candy store doing backflips on the beach then melting snow with his piercing blue eyes. Even when Louis Vito starts flirting with Andi, the permagrin is still there. I’m in love. Thankfully he gets rid of their third wheel to become the hot love interest of every Mary Kate & Ashley movie you’ve ever seen, who looks like a Disney prince & gently teaches her how to snowboard. Hot chocolate and snuggle sledding ensues, before they head back to the cabin for wine, deep talk, and knee touching. Can I put this entire date on my Vision Board?
The exact moment you suspect Craig might be a hot mess.
And it’s when he finds out he’s headed for the group date. And he does a Howard Dean style roar of excitement. In his defense, these guys have clearly been pre gaming hard since the first morning (those bloodies & screwdrivers were in large glasses…and you know they kept it goin’ while Andi was on the world’s best date. A close runner up is the guys’ faces when they realize they might just be on the world’s worst date.
Of COURSE Cody/ Jacklemore is totally psyched About Stripping
He’s been working on his glamour muscles. He might even be enjoying this more than Andi, and come on, you saw her face when she envisioned a bethonged Marcus (still don’t get it.)
The Moment You realize Craig is definitely a hot mess (um, when he calls Josh a stud? And later elaborates on his man crush…)
And then you also realize Nick S. is his drinking partner. Tied for these moments: Brian promising his mom he’s going to church tomorrow, watching Marcus do the crybaby (kind of get it), and The moment you realized the last thing you ever wanted to See was Tasos doing the bend and snap.
THE MOMENT KELLY SHOWS UP
Ok and Sharleen, whatever, the three musketeers ride again. If only they could have kidnapped Nikki from Juanny Pabs’ spray tanned grip. But she’s a goner and they’ve accepted this. Let’s just all be grateful Kelly is back in action with headshot commentary. And general commentary (“I want him to teach me!” re: Brian’s moves.)
The entire Firefighter Sequence
Winners. Looking at you Patrick
What’s the Worst Thing About Your Parents?
And a reminder to incorporate “annihilated” as a vocal word for the super-drunk. And also it’s best not to get schwasted and have a pool party with your bros in front of the girl you’re trying to impress. He effectively ruins the night for all the dudes and Andi.
Oh, That’s Why She Wasn’t concerned that Chris Was Wearing flip flops…
No lie, I was mildly horrified. Then I remembered he didn’t know where he was headed. Luckily Andi had a designer suit collection waiting for Chris
, whose tractor must be legitimately sexy.
That Old Man’s Big Break
Someone (Chris B. Harrison) paid that sweet old man to ask them how long they’d been together. And he might just win an Emmy for convincing Andi she’d like to be at a racetrack in 55 years, not in her hyperbaric space age anti-aging tube that also cooks you grass fed burgers and metabolizes them into kale for you. IT’S THE FUTURE ANDI. Also, how does horse racing translate into “The Forties?” All that old timey big band can’t quell Andi’s doubts though – Chris seems so fab, but why is he single? Andi…you’re on The Bachelorette girl.
I forgive you, bro. If you’d have said Fireball instead of Firefly, I’d be in your shoes (minus the part about your junk.)
And to wrap up: the best jewelry of the week:
Andi’s bead bracelets, turquoise drop pendant, and thin gold rings on lots of fingers for Eric’s date (they’re Susanne Elizabeth & you can win one on Posessionista!) Earrings during Craig’s pool party. Earrings at the horse track with opera length pearl bracelet wrapped as a bracelet.
My frontrunners, as of this week: Eric (let me believe), Brian The Teacher, Chris The Farmer.
Hot Seat for Next Week: Andrew (although I’d like to say Operaman.)
We’ll miss you, Carl. Notsomuch Nick S. Thanks for the laughs, Craig.